The past few weeks were filled with some passionate writings on Nigeria. I guess that is a topic I can never run from as I am a Nigerian – a total one. Today, I am not writing about politics, governance or leadership but about a topic so important that if we trace the root of most societal problems; it comes first. The disintegration of family life is a major cause of a dysfunctional society and a big culprit is infidelity.

A few days ago, I had a very deep conversation with a good friend about marriage and the Nigerian society. It was a revealing one as he confirmed my own fears about the eroding sanctity of the marriage institution. We both concluded that most people get married nowadays more as an obligation than not. It is also very obvious that the rate of infidelity is at its highest now and mostly carried out with impunity. The saddest part is that most marriages are now failing right from the beginning and many are already strangers living in the same house before one year.

My mind wonders to the vows I made on my wedding day. The heavy pronouncements I declared before God and man and I ask myself if we all made that vow. But alas, yes we all did even if you married in the registry. I guess that is why it is hard to do business with most people nowadays even after signing legal documents. If a man can renege on his promises to keep his marriage bed sanctified even when he knows the attendant consequences; then such a man cannot be trusted with great things.

I am not going to be riding a high horse and say that I am immune from temptations, but I have promised God, myself, wife, family and friends to be a good role model. Temptations will surely come, but I am also aware that it takes a willing mind to participate. What I am very unhappy about is that most people nowadays think a man can never do without a fling here and there. That is the most blatant lie from the pit of hell but the reality is dawning on us now from all sides. It is also no more news that even women that used to be the victims are now cheating with great gusto, sometimes dwarfing the achievements of their male counterparts.

Today, I am not going to talk about women. I am going to concentrate my energy on the men who started this trade. This series will not end today, so I have enough space to share my thoughts. One of the hottest topics in magazines is “Why Men Cheat”. Today, I want to come from a fresh angle and talk about – “Why Men Must Not Cheat”.

1. What is Responsibility and Leadership: A lot of times, I have been forced to tell people why I don’t drink. I said forced because I don’t like explaining some deep things with just anybody. I choose my audience very well but I guess that is not good enough and everyone should know. I don’t drink because I see myself as a KING, a leader. The bible made it clear in Proverbs 31:
4It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:

7Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

So, while I won’t condemn those who love to drink, I don’t have to join them because anyone who has to make important decisions in their daily life ought not to drink. But even when they wake up from their drunken state, the misery continues. Before you think I am digressing, let me link this together. If someone asks me today why I won’t cheat on my wife – my answer is simple – I am a KING. Proverbs 31 also nails it:

3Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.

How many young men have been destroyed because of their lust? How many of our fathers never reached their potentials because of extra marital affairs? I guess we know many big examples. Even many rich men reduced their credibility just because of their lifestyle. Remember the very rich man whose family was thrown into deep problems after his death. The examples abound for many to see but it seems we are just not ready to learn. So, I say today – if you want to be a truly responsible man, who will be influential for life, you cannot afford to cheat. Ask Clinton and you will know the truth.

2. It Destroys Your Home: Well, that is a no brainier. The beginning of every broken marriage is cheating. Women are more liberated nowadays and most won’t tolerate a cheating husband again. There is a strong link between wife bashers and cheaters. Most men who don’t cheat really do not have reasons to beat their wives. Isn’t it easy to see that the reason you beat your wife is because you are irritated with her after coming from the sexy mistress’ abode? Any man who is serious about a New Nigeria would not cheat on his wife because doing it will add to the number of potential dysfunctional children who mostly come from such unions.

3. Your Kids Might Hate You: Children mostly have a big compassion for their mum when they realize that their dad is cheating. They tend to see you as the enemy at a point even if you spoil them with money and other goodies. Wake up man; this is the 21st century where a man’s prowess is not measured by the number of women he can capture. Gone are the days when you can easily do this and get away with it. If you don’t want to be estranged from your kids; please think about it before you start flirting with other women.

4. Your Finances Suffer For it: Interestingly we are in tough times. So if you have excess money, it is wise to keep or invest it for tomorrow. I usually marvel at men who keep two women. Making a woman to be happy involves a lot, so it beats me when someone decides to use his hard earned cash on other babes. For the newly married doing this, remember kids would soon come and more money is needed. For those with kids, isn’t it obvious that you could have spent more on your family than you are already doing. Think about it.

5. Your Achievements Might Be Slowed Down: Whenever I get home each day back from work. I still have to play with my wife and daughter – then decide on which book to read that night to move my career forward. 24 hours then is almost not enough in a day again for all my activities and business. Which gets me thinking of how I would even find time for another woman. And if I find the time as people do; it is very clear some things will be affected.

6. Purpose: Have you even thought of why you are here in this world? Most people don’t and that explains most of our actions. I will pass through this world once and I wish to be remembered for good things. A lot of people will be wounded along the way. Your wife, kids and even the ladies you cheat with. When a man finds his purpose in this world, his perspectives must surely change.

7. Lie Begets Lie: Lies are like a vicious cycle. They never end. You need to propagate new lies everyday to cover your tracks. But one day, it will surely backfire and you are found out. Imagine this – you lied to your wife about staying late at work, yet you are in a hotel in another suburb. If you run into any trouble, then you have got a lot of explanations to make. When you lie today, you will have to lie tomorrow to cover yesterday’s lie. Why would you want to use your precious brain in such a manner? Think about it.

8. You Will Become an Assassin: Maybe this should have been number two. I presently live in a country where the HIV prevalence is MAD. One out of four people you meet is HIV positive. The statistics in Nigeria might not be too far from this but we don’t know as our record system is almost non-existent. Once you cheat on your wife, you have become a potential murderer and your wife should flee from you. I have heard stories of men who infected their wives and are using retroviral drugs without letting them know. If you have not cheated before, this is your chance to avoid this label. If you already did, it is not too late to turn back before you kill.

9. The Most Important Relationship Is Shattered: God actually likened his relationship with us to the relationship between a man and his wife. WOW. That is how sacred the marriage institution is to God. Once a man messes this up, he has cut himself from God. So for those who already enjoy a relationship with God, this is a reminder of the fact you know that you must not even allow yourself to be led astray. If you still don’t know about God, well, I guess the points above are more general and should help you in making the best choice.

I am going to stop here today. Next time, I am going to be writing on practical ways men can overcome the temptations. I welcome suggestions because Iron Sharpeneth Iron. We all have a lot to learn from each other. This might also lead to the formation of group for men who are committed to being faithful to their God and woman. We can be each other’s keepers. The women can also take a cue from here. We will get there. Amen.

I am mostly skeptical about chain emails; but if I don’t share this one, then I am not doing my friends good. Please go through the 45 lessons and there will be a point or two that will hit you hard.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone..

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

Who Am I

It is a 3 worded question, but mostly answered inaccurately. Who are you? This innocently looking question is one of the hardest to get through not because of its complexity but as a result of our stereotype of not understanding the right way to present ourselves. Many due to years of brainwashing and bad history tend to use the wrong words and attributes to define who they are.

Most notable is the fallacy of thinking that who we are is measured by our financial state. Some refer to it as being pompous and I have seen a lot of it. You see a man asked to obey a queue in a bank and he looks at you defiantly either announcing to you vocally or by action – do you know who I am? And then he goes ahead to tell you how rich he is and how he can buy your whole family. Shame.

Some people also define themselves by the positions they hold. Hence, you see a lot of politicians misbehaving and causing chaos around because of who they think they are. The words that come out of their mouths in those forsaken periods are ignominious and reek of irresponsibility as far as I am concerned.

Another group cannot but let us know where they work as that is the definition of their lives. I used to know a lady who hung her id card on her neck even whilst driving to church on Sunday. I have also worked with colleagues in the past who cannot get over the fact that they work with a big company and use that as an assault material on young girls.

There are some who can’t wait to meet you before the horror stories begin. They describe themselves as poor, unemployed and other derogatory adjectives all in a bid to attract sympathy. Is that who you really are? I guess it is a time to start thinking and ensure a new mindset.

The above descriptions of different sets of people have one similar trait – their transient nature.
A rich man today does not neccessarily translate to riches in the future. One black swan event; he could go bankrupt. I guess a lot of examples abound of this grace to grass situations and should be a warning sign for all who gloat due to the wealth they have gathered. Those who just can’t wait to look down on the rest of God’s creations.

The highly placed politician forgets that his term or that of his boss carries a set number of years. Their misbehavior is the reason they prefer to sit tight when the time comes to take a bow; because of their misdemeanors. But they have to leave one day and then get a dose of the treatment they meted out during their stay in office.

The proud worker of a multinational also forgets the fact that he is not a shareholder in the company and he sits tight, enjoying the largess and ensuring that girls in the neighborhood are in trouble because of his hallowed position. He even thinks the jobs is for life and so there is no plan of doing his own things. But he is shocked to the bones when the call came for downsizing or lets put it in a milder way – right sizing. Companies will always do this, but when it happens to those who don’t define themselves by the company, they handle it better as their lives were never tied to the organization in the first place.

This is good time to reflect on who we really are. What our purpose in life is. Our main reason for being in this world at this time must be assessed. Using ephemeral things to define our lives only end up in sorrow and gnashing of teeth. We are too wired and precious to think that our whole life is tied to the inconsequential things of this world.

Selfishness has to evaporate and a new wave of responsibility must set in. A lot of people start their life in a good stead but end it up very bad. The essence of a man’s life should lie in service to humanity, making the world a better place. A man must also have priorities. Relationships with our family and friends surprisingly come first before all the jobs we can think of. When the die is cast, we want to run back to the people who care for us but were abandoned when we thought we were the in-thing.

As we are gradually getting halfway into the year 2009; this is a great time to do soul searching and meditate on this words. There is an urgent need to define who we really her. That might be the needed antidote for a lot of things going wrong in our lives. It is not a very simple process, but it is not complicated either. It just requires stillness, a piece of paper and a pen. You will be surprised that the things you will learn about yourself can transform you into the true achiever you are.

Thank you and I know you are on the path to self discovery and a fulfilled life.

From the beginning of the World, every wonderful thing that has happened is based on one important principle that we don’t like to practice – sacrifice. The biblical account of creation lends credence to this fact when the Omnipotent God himself worked for six straight days to create our world and only rested on the seventh day. If God himself who owns the heaven and the earth paid attention to his project and ensured everything was perfect before he rested; human beings have to start understanding the power invested in doing same. (Genesis 1-2)

That was not the end of God’s sacrifice to humankind. He demonstrated his will to sacrifice once again Millions of years after when he allowed his only begotten son to die for our sins. The first scripture that fascinated me with Christianity is John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
That is the power of sacrifice at work again. I am going to share some lessons I have learned about sacrifice and I hope it spurs someone on to make exploit.

1. Sacrifice is hard because it is sacrifice
It will not be a sacrifice if it is very easy to accomplish. Good things don’t usually come very easy but mostly have to be grounded out. Most are averse to taking the hard way and instead look for the easy way out. Those are people who make excuses and never go on to impact their generation.

2. Sacrifice can be very painful
Imagine a father who accepted to give the life of his son up to save his wayward creation? Now imagine a son who did not bail out on humanity at the last minute but went on to die like a common criminal.
Also imagine another father whom God asked to give up his son as a sweet smelling offering to him. These all happened and we know the stories of Jesus’ cruxification as well as Abraham/Isaac. Those are very painful sacrifices to make but they all braved it even though God was gracious to spare Isaac’s life as he was just testing Abraham’s faith. Many of us have been faced with the smallest of sacrifices to preserve our inheritance and future, but we mess it up because we are avoiding pain. The pains we avoid come in various forms but most times, they are just meant to teach us a lesson about life.

3. In God’s dictionary, sacrifice can be 2-ways
When Jesus died for our sins, it was not automatic for everyone to enjoy that sacrifice. The onus lies on each individual to also make a simple yet important sacrifice to enjoy the benefits. A partaker of the blessings of eternal life must believe in his son. Simple, yet very hard decision to make because we think our lives are caged when we seek to be like him. We tend to equate understanding God’s ways as not living life and so we continue with our ways whilst blocking our minds to his teachings.

4. Same applies to our worldly pursuit
There is not gain without pain. The men and women who have made our World an easier place to live in today made sacrifices in the past. The United States will never forget their patriots who fought the British to a conclusion resulting in the creation of the most powerful country in the World today. South Africa will also not suffer Amnesia; the years spent in Robben Island and other prisons by the ANC leaders will not be forgotten. Other African nationalists also fought and died for the emancipation of their countries. Great inventors, composers and artists also have something in common – they sacrifice a lot of time thinking and fabricating their thoughts to evolve masterpieces.

5. It pays to sacrifice
The joy of sacrifice is that the end results in a lasting legacy. Jesus Christ today is known everywhere and even those who don’t believe in him still discuss him. Pagans enjoy the Easter holiday in their own way and I am not sure there is a more interesting personality than him. That was the result of his sacrifice on the cross. Abraham is known as the father of faith and from him came many descendants which was a direct gain from his willingness to sacrifice. One needs to read biographies of successful men and women to understand that their success came as a result of sacrifices made throughout their lives. Sleep deprivation to read books, journals, write proposals, study for certification exams are some of the things that stand out men who are going somewhere. Women have to literarily put their lives on hold to carry a child for 9 months and thereafter nurse same. We all know the joy of bringing a child to the World but sometimes forget the sacrifice that accomplish it.

6. Pursuing righteousness is a sacrifice
We are in a perverted world where sex, corruption and other vices rule. I was not in Sodom and Gomorrah but I doubt it was this bad. It is getting increasingly difficult to stick to doing right in our times. Deciding to do what is right is the key for our World to get back on track. Having a mind to be just to all men will change a lot of bad to good. Those who are prepared to stand up and leave the urges of their skins are doing themselves and the World a favour. Saying no to 10 minutes of fun that can ruin a whole lifetime is the hallmark of great men. Saying no to the lure of illegal riches stands a man out. We need you to sacrifice to save yourself.

7. There is no better time than now to start sacrificing
We are in interesting times. A time when many are singing the tune of being cast down. The economic realities ensures that only those who understand the principles which open doors are safe. This is the time when wheat will be separated from shaft. When those who sacrifice are lifted up because of their diligence. If there are 10 people who do the same job as you, this is the time to be better than them all else you might lose out. This is also the time to give to the poor despite the fact that you think things are not too rosy to give out but know that feeding is hard for some people. Whoever understands the principle of sacrificing in difficult periods are always rewarded for their efforts.

As we just finished the holidays that signifies the highest sacrifice ever made; I pray that our eyes of understanding will open and lead us to do what is right.

I came in contact recently with a story that fascinated me some years ago. That story made me re-evaluate my life and the kind of stuff that I allow to pass through my mind. It also taught me about the concept of fear and the way it paralyzes one’s dreams, ambition and even in the extreme cases – LIFE. Let’s look at the story:

There was a man named Nick – a strong and hardworking rail yardman. His fellow workers liked him and he was very easy to relate with. But he has a nemesis in the working place – Nick had a deep and disturbing fear that he would be locked in an isolated, refrigerated boxcar.
One day, the train crew were told they could close an hour early. As they left, Nick was accidentally locked in a refrigerated boxcar, which was in a yard for repairs. He panicked, shouted and banged on the walls until his voice went hoarse and his fists were bloody. He believed the temperature in the car was zero degrees. He thought, If I don’t get out of here I’ll freeze to death.
Shivering uncontrollably, he scrawled a message to his wife. “So cold, body’s getting numb. If I could just go to sleep…. These may be my last words.”
The next morning the crew slid open the boxcar’s heavy doors and found Nick’s body. An autopsy revealed that every physical sign indicated he had frozen to death. But the car’s refrigeration unit was broken. The temperature inside was never lower than 61 degrees. Nick’s fear became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Note: This account of the story was taken from John Hagee’s book – The Seven Secrets.

I have a reason for using this story to illustrate my point. It is so relevant to many of us especially those who think negatively all the time. These are people I try not to relate with as their unbelief and their wacked believes are detrimental to progressive growth. The bible says that “As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is”. Nothing can be truer and I find this very liberating. Rich people first became rich from their mind and thinking. Same applies to poor people.

The rich people believed first that they can do it, put their minds to it and achieve the goals. Most of the battles we fight to become relevant in this world happens right inside of us. The manifestation of what we see is a product of our thought process and believe/disbelieve in our abilities. In this unique time in history, a time of bleak message being preached all over the World – we need now more than ever to control our thoughts in preparation for a glorious future. Otherwise, the story would not be too palatable. I have the following points which might help.

The emotion of fear can save our lives in the event of responding to the effects of Adrenaline when we see a Lion approaching us. But the spirit of fear can only do one thing – destroy us. In all we do – we must learn to exercise faith and be positive. God bless you as you march forward and conquer.

This post is inspired by a decision to live a life that contributes to the Nigerian and African dream. A dream born out of a desire to evolve a nation and continent far from the present status of a dark people. A glimpse into a future of possibilities that will only be possible when individuals understand the extent a single change of heart can positively affect our nations. I am one of those people who believe that the regeneration of the human mind is possible and that all hope is not lost for a revitalization. If I as an individual is ready to respect the sanctity of life belonging to my fellow humans and understand the fact that a beastly interaction with them confirms the popular view of us as no better than animals; then I think we are on the right track.

Everyday is mixed with a plethora of bad news, poverty and hopelessness especially in our part of the world. But this same part of the world boasts of the highest concentration of natural resources and in my own opinion, a high proportion of potentially great human resources. I used the word ‘potentially’ because though we have a lot of intellectuals around but there are still many more who due to simple yet trivial reasons like malnutrition have not been able to maximize their brain powers. I don’t want to derail as that is a post for another day.

A lot of people have given up on our nations (I said nations because a lot of African countries face similar problems) and would even prefer to be illegal immigrants in Libya but is that where it all ends? I believe that it is not a hopeless solution and even in the midst of the darkness; there are still beacons of light for all to see even though people tend to prefer the bad news. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the human mind and its ability to condemn but not proffer solutions. I also marvel at how many of us blame the incumbent but when we are presented with power prove to be more animal-like than those we criticized. Is it that we can never get it right as humans? No, it is just a matter of principle and decisions first made as an individual and then wholly adopted as a people.

The Americans have shown us that despite their flaws, they still hold the position as the conscience and leader of the modern world. They have proven to us that having a sound institutional framework and adhering to same is a prerequisite to having a successful nation. George W Bush goes down as one of the most infamous presidents of America but despite his errors; I still salute his contribution to the seamless transition of power to the first black president of the United States. We know what could have happened if this episode happened in some other countries. Everyone has been focusing on Obama and the new face of change in the US but I also salute the American framework which makes it almost impossible for an individual to hold the country to ransom; a gift from the founding fathers of America. Which brings us to the question – what foundation did our own founding fathers lay? I think an answer to that question will go a long way in understanding the mind of the average Nigerian leader and citizen as it may be.

As you may have known – a lot of Nigerians and Africans attended Obama’s historic inauguration but did they leave with the expected lessons? Let’s even come closer home. Ghana is our West African neighbor and I am proud of their presidential elections which went on for some time but was a very open process. I hope South Africa will give us something to cheer about in 2009 as they go to the polls especially with the political climate in that country in the emergence of COPE and the events that led to its formation. I sincerely pray that all goes well for Africa’s pride.

The main reason I am posting this is not in those analysis made above but in the next few paragraphs. I am wondering what will happen if all of us decide to start doing good, having the overall good of our nations at heart. I am just thinking how everything would change if our generation decides to create a better world for our children and their offspring? I don’t know if you have thought of it that way before, but this is a call for us all to start this new movement. A movement of women and men sold out to change their World one person at a time. It is in this light that I have made the following creed which will be an ongoing process and open to addition. I guess you should form yours too.

To be fair in my dealings with all. Not giving myself to unnecessary legalities but choosing to use the almighty as a guide.

So help me God. Amen.

2008 was a great year and I am so happy that after reviewing my activities – I can say that God has been so good. I have also promised God to do more in 2009 and ensure that the potentials he has put in me gets properly utilized. I will encourage all of us who dream to wake up and start realizing the dream. My post titled Effective Year planning should be able to help in articulating your plans for the new year.

Every new year affords us the opportunity to start afresh and correct the mistakes of the past years. It is a good time to understand that we can take charge again and relegate the events of the past into oblivion. Many at this time make new year resolutions they are not willing to sacrifice to keep; hence we all need a big level of discipline and tact to get the job done this year. I challenge us all to start the journey together and end it on a good note.

It is worthy of note that our goals should not just be for personal gains but for the total good of the human race right from our immediate environment to the world in general. A good contribution to a cause and the decision to do good can go a long way in determining how our world will be in 2009. As we start 2009; I pray that the almighty will reveal his heart for us this year to spur us on to activities that moves us near our goals.

Warning – the year moves fast and if you check the time now; 1-1-2009 is almost ending and that is the same way the whole year moves without most people doing anything. A little sleep, a little slumber will make the enemy to steal our time and goals for the year. I will encourage you to form an accountability club with your friends and mentors as a way of tracking your performance in the year.
I promise that this will be an exciting year for readers of this blog. Many life changing opportunities will come through this medium so please stay tuned. I will leave you with a promise from God to you this year in Psalm 91.

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

There are many things that baffle me about the human race – but a particular one never ceases to amaze me anytime. It is Christmas, the purported birthday of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ who came to this world to give us hope and paid the maximum price for our redemption. What baffles me about Christmas is not in Christ’s coming in itself because I fully understand why he had to come but the way we celebrate it. I have never hidden the fact that I don’t believe that his birthday is not December 25 though I won’t start a campaign to prove that as the date is not a route to salvation. Knowing him is more important than starting a theological war that might never be won. But what amazes me is that the World celebrates Christmas every year with the greatest percentage not even understanding the principal of the subject – Christ himself.

I become so emotional when people prepare so much for the celebration all over the world with glamor and fanfare. Some even borrow money to go for vacations and the period is always synonymous with a lot of spending. Financial experts at this period are always advising people to take it easy on their spending and try to remember that there is a new year approaching steadily. My emotional outburst is not only tied to the fact that a lot of unnecessary spending spree occurs but that the main lesson of Christ’s coming and its import is eroding per year. In Europe and America; the shopping frenzy at this point is unparalleled and most people tie Xmas to vacations, snows, Santa and feasts which are very good but is that the main essence of Christmas? I say no.

The pace might be slower this year due to the World economic crunch which is not about to end. The government of Las Vegas in the United States is very unhappy because the state boasts of very big tourist earning every December but this year might not be as profitable as the previous years. I also notice that film makers release Xmas films each year but the themes of those films range from passionate romantic to even absurd fairy tales which promotes other gods!
I think we can start re-assessing the way we celebrate Xmas by looking at the following -

1. Broadcast the Real Essence

While it is great to have a well deserved break as well as feasts and fun at Christmas; it is important to let people understand the real reason we celebrate Jesus Christ. I am looking forward to spending many of this season with my wife and kids in the years to come. I have decided to ensure they realize the reason for the season and take the other activities as perks and not the main thing. Parents will do well to let their wards get the message right from when they are very small instead of them growing up thinking that Father Xmas or Santa is the real figure to celebrate.

2. Make him happy

Yeah. I wonder if my father will be happy if we celebrate his birthday for him without being good children to him. Good children as in being obedient, showing him care and love. Isn’t it amusing when people become so drunk on Christmas day and they think they are celebrating Christmas? I wonder how Christ feels looking at the warped idea of celebrating him that the World has adopted.

3. Make others happy

Christ came into this world to give us salvation and rescue us from eternal damnation. This means that this season should be a time of sacrifice for others especially the downtrodden in our society. It should be a period when you put others first and give to the poor. I also guess that before you spend so lavishly on expensive Christmas shopping, vacation and feasts – shouldn’t some percentage go to the needy? I guess it is an individual question.

4. A time to spread the good news

What better season than now to tell people about Jesus Christ. We will be doing ourselves a favour by carrying out our Lord’s instruction about the great commission. These days; it is getting harder to preach because everyone finds it fashionable to claim ‘born again’. The message in this season is a refreshing one and can be shared with anybody regardless of status and religious inclination. We will only have to be diligent and dig into his word so we can personally review our knowledge of the reason he came into this world.

5. Knowing the essence prepares you for the next year

A very important thing that most of us fail to notice is the proximity of Christmas time to the end of the year and the beginning of another. If we decide to be closer to God and be still at this period; we have the advantage of listening better to his review of our year and the eventual downloading of his plans for us in the new year. Most people are so bothered about the things that don’t matter and are so excited and jumpy that they miss the message for the new year. Those who will impact their world in 2009 recognize this fact and are willing to have peace and stillness.

All said – I wish you all a wonderful Xmas celebration and I pray that God himself will reveal his heart to us as we approach 2009. I also pray that he will make us see the reasons to be closer to him and not follow the world into oblivion. Amen.

NB: I know most of us are privy to the shame that was meted out to the supposedly most powerful man on earth – the President of the United States of America – George W. Bush. I will soon write an expose on his tenure and the lessons learned from this man from a very powerful dynasty in America. Meanwhile – I hope you are enjoying the Mentoring/Career Coaching series. Many more to come. Cheers.

Man as a specie will continue evolving especially in the form of adaptation to his environment. Scientists are quick to talk about homo erectus, homo sapiens, etc but the adaptation I am talking about has to do with the way the male and female species inter-relate and the duties each is expected to perform to keep the right balance in the society.

Since the earliest memory of man; the male specie has the responsibility of protecting and providing for his family. He is expected to wake up early to look for food for his wife and children; this might take the course of gathering food items and killing animals for meat in the primitive times. As the years went by, this expanded to activities like farming, working in mines etc. What I am driving at is that in those early days, the available jobs were those that required a high level of brawn and strength which ensured that only the man could go out to work.

In those days, the wife prays daily for the man to return home every night not only because of her love for him but also because he is the meal ticket of the family. The continued existence and survival of the family unit solely rests on his shoulders. The man should respect the woman as he knows that the duties she performs in the house were of great import. Imagine her cleaning, cooking and taking care of the kids not forgetting the sacrifice of carrying a child for 9 months during pregnancy. I will add that most men did not give women this very earned respect. It was supposed to be a symbiotic relationship with mutual respect for each individual.

Fast forward to the industrial age where the possession of strength is not a qualification for getting a job. A new age where the highest paying jobs require brain and skills. The beginning of this age favored men most likely due to the fact that women were not given the chance to express their talents but as the years pass by – a growing awareness that a woman can do as well as a man if not better changed the whole equation. It is easy to recognize the fact that things have changed but men are still living in denial or maybe fail to understand that the era of gaining a woman’s respect just by feeding them is long gone.

Man is supposed to be a very sensitive being but I guess this change is one that most have not come to understand. The whole essence of manhood has changed but many are still living in the past. This is a big concern as it is a major cause of the high rate of divorce nowadays and the reason so many men and women are not even contemplating marriage. A successful professional woman wonders why she needs a man who will be beating her at home when she has the wherewithal to take care of herself. A young man believes the new emancipation that women are experiencing will make them more arrogant and he is a man who should be the head of his house. Now, couples don’t find it that hard to divorce again as it just doesn’t make sense for a woman to continue enduring the suffering when she won’t miss anything by walking out of the marriage.

How did we get to this stage in the first instance?
Most people have a wrong idea of what marriage is and our societies derived different definitions of this lovely institution that God ordained himself. When a young man of less than 30 years decide to get married, the first thing people ask is why the rush? Why rushing into hell fire? This is very sad as most people actually think that their lives will cease to function at the highest level once they get married. Some are also afraid of losing out of their promiscuous lifestyle when they get married. My answer to them is simple – marriage in the right way ensures a better life for you. The bible says that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor in the sight of God. But that is if the wife was found the right way, following God’s rules. I also know that men or women who think they will stop being promiscuous after getting married most likely are deceiving themselves.

It is thus very important to go back to the basics and find out why God wants us to marry, his laws regarding how we treat our spouses. Let us remind ourselves about God’s laws regarding marriage and the roles of men and women in balancing the equation. God’s commission is for the woman to honor and respect her husband while the man must love his wife not just anyhow but the same way Christ loved the church. This is powerful when we realize the extent of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross of Calvary.

Therefore, a man who wants his wife to honor and respect him must go back to God’s laws. He must prepare to love his woman unconditionally as Christ loves us. He must understand that putting food on the table is not the only way to earn this respect though it is his duty as God clearly states that a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel. But we must come to terms with the reality of the 21st century and be open to change. You can no more beat your wife in the morning and think that feeding her or buying her a gift in the evening is enough to calm her down. Christ would not have beaten us, he wouldn’t cheat on us, he wouldn’t disrespect us. God is looking for men who will marry not just because they have to, men who will carry out God’s purpose for marriage, who will continually seek for the improvement of their women, who will love their women and treat them like the Queens they are.

For the young women out there thinking they do not need a man in their life, who have decided to have a child on their own and willingly join the club of single mothers; please look at the developed countries where this practice evolved and see the problems. It is a very known fact that most drug users, gays, lesbians were raised by single parents. We have started seeing the manifestation in Nigeria and the rest of Africa too. South African countries are painfully being destroyed by this phenomenon. A lot of dysfunctional kids who don’t have father figures in their lives are being raised and the world is getting worse for this reason. We all need to understand the impact of not having good family lives on the children and in extension to our communities and the world at large.

My prayers
That men will come to realize the purpose God made them the head of the family unit
That men will follow God’s rules as regards marriage shunning immorality before and after marriage
That men will understand the importance of gaining the respect of their wives though real love
That both men and women will realize they cannot live apart and cultivate the spirit of mutual respect
That Children will be brought up by their moms and dads in the way of God under a loving atmosphere.

I will discuss some ways men can start adapting to the change in future posts. God help us all. Amen.