The past few weeks were filled with some passionate writings on Nigeria. I guess that is a topic I can never run from as I am a Nigerian – a total one. Today, I am not writing about politics, governance or leadership but about a topic so important that if we trace the root of most societal problems; it comes first. The disintegration of family life is a major cause of a dysfunctional society and a big culprit is infidelity.

A few days ago, I had a very deep conversation with a good friend about marriage and the Nigerian society. It was a revealing one as he confirmed my own fears about the eroding sanctity of the marriage institution. We both concluded that most people get married nowadays more as an obligation than not. It is also very obvious that the rate of infidelity is at its highest now and mostly carried out with impunity. The saddest part is that most marriages are now failing right from the beginning and many are already strangers living in the same house before one year.

My mind wonders to the vows I made on my wedding day. The heavy pronouncements I declared before God and man and I ask myself if we all made that vow. But alas, yes we all did even if you married in the registry. I guess that is why it is hard to do business with most people nowadays even after signing legal documents. If a man can renege on his promises to keep his marriage bed sanctified even when he knows the attendant consequences; then such a man cannot be trusted with great things.

I am not going to be riding a high horse and say that I am immune from temptations, but I have promised God, myself, wife, family and friends to be a good role model. Temptations will surely come, but I am also aware that it takes a willing mind to participate. What I am very unhappy about is that most people nowadays think a man can never do without a fling here and there. That is the most blatant lie from the pit of hell but the reality is dawning on us now from all sides. It is also no more news that even women that used to be the victims are now cheating with great gusto, sometimes dwarfing the achievements of their male counterparts.

Today, I am not going to talk about women. I am going to concentrate my energy on the men who started this trade. This series will not end today, so I have enough space to share my thoughts. One of the hottest topics in magazines is “Why Men Cheat”. Today, I want to come from a fresh angle and talk about – “Why Men Must Not Cheat”.

1. What is Responsibility and Leadership: A lot of times, I have been forced to tell people why I don’t drink. I said forced because I don’t like explaining some deep things with just anybody. I choose my audience very well but I guess that is not good enough and everyone should know. I don’t drink because I see myself as a KING, a leader. The bible made it clear in Proverbs 31:
4It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:

7Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

So, while I won’t condemn those who love to drink, I don’t have to join them because anyone who has to make important decisions in their daily life ought not to drink. But even when they wake up from their drunken state, the misery continues. Before you think I am digressing, let me link this together. If someone asks me today why I won’t cheat on my wife – my answer is simple – I am a KING. Proverbs 31 also nails it:

3Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.

How many young men have been destroyed because of their lust? How many of our fathers never reached their potentials because of extra marital affairs? I guess we know many big examples. Even many rich men reduced their credibility just because of their lifestyle. Remember the very rich man whose family was thrown into deep problems after his death. The examples abound for many to see but it seems we are just not ready to learn. So, I say today – if you want to be a truly responsible man, who will be influential for life, you cannot afford to cheat. Ask Clinton and you will know the truth.

2. It Destroys Your Home: Well, that is a no brainier. The beginning of every broken marriage is cheating. Women are more liberated nowadays and most won’t tolerate a cheating husband again. There is a strong link between wife bashers and cheaters. Most men who don’t cheat really do not have reasons to beat their wives. Isn’t it easy to see that the reason you beat your wife is because you are irritated with her after coming from the sexy mistress’ abode? Any man who is serious about a New Nigeria would not cheat on his wife because doing it will add to the number of potential dysfunctional children who mostly come from such unions.

3. Your Kids Might Hate You: Children mostly have a big compassion for their mum when they realize that their dad is cheating. They tend to see you as the enemy at a point even if you spoil them with money and other goodies. Wake up man; this is the 21st century where a man’s prowess is not measured by the number of women he can capture. Gone are the days when you can easily do this and get away with it. If you don’t want to be estranged from your kids; please think about it before you start flirting with other women.

4. Your Finances Suffer For it: Interestingly we are in tough times. So if you have excess money, it is wise to keep or invest it for tomorrow. I usually marvel at men who keep two women. Making a woman to be happy involves a lot, so it beats me when someone decides to use his hard earned cash on other babes. For the newly married doing this, remember kids would soon come and more money is needed. For those with kids, isn’t it obvious that you could have spent more on your family than you are already doing. Think about it.

5. Your Achievements Might Be Slowed Down: Whenever I get home each day back from work. I still have to play with my wife and daughter – then decide on which book to read that night to move my career forward. 24 hours then is almost not enough in a day again for all my activities and business. Which gets me thinking of how I would even find time for another woman. And if I find the time as people do; it is very clear some things will be affected.

6. Purpose: Have you even thought of why you are here in this world? Most people don’t and that explains most of our actions. I will pass through this world once and I wish to be remembered for good things. A lot of people will be wounded along the way. Your wife, kids and even the ladies you cheat with. When a man finds his purpose in this world, his perspectives must surely change.

7. Lie Begets Lie: Lies are like a vicious cycle. They never end. You need to propagate new lies everyday to cover your tracks. But one day, it will surely backfire and you are found out. Imagine this – you lied to your wife about staying late at work, yet you are in a hotel in another suburb. If you run into any trouble, then you have got a lot of explanations to make. When you lie today, you will have to lie tomorrow to cover yesterday’s lie. Why would you want to use your precious brain in such a manner? Think about it.

8. You Will Become an Assassin: Maybe this should have been number two. I presently live in a country where the HIV prevalence is MAD. One out of four people you meet is HIV positive. The statistics in Nigeria might not be too far from this but we don’t know as our record system is almost non-existent. Once you cheat on your wife, you have become a potential murderer and your wife should flee from you. I have heard stories of men who infected their wives and are using retroviral drugs without letting them know. If you have not cheated before, this is your chance to avoid this label. If you already did, it is not too late to turn back before you kill.

9. The Most Important Relationship Is Shattered: God actually likened his relationship with us to the relationship between a man and his wife. WOW. That is how sacred the marriage institution is to God. Once a man messes this up, he has cut himself from God. So for those who already enjoy a relationship with God, this is a reminder of the fact you know that you must not even allow yourself to be led astray. If you still don’t know about God, well, I guess the points above are more general and should help you in making the best choice.

I am going to stop here today. Next time, I am going to be writing on practical ways men can overcome the temptations. I welcome suggestions because Iron Sharpeneth Iron. We all have a lot to learn from each other. This might also lead to the formation of group for men who are committed to being faithful to their God and woman. We can be each other’s keepers. The women can also take a cue from here. We will get there. Amen.

October 1 1960 – the union jack was lowered as it leaves us for the final time and the green – white – green of the free nation soared high in the sky. Our nationalists and heroes were finally vindicated and their hopes were raised to the heavens thinking their labours of the past will not be in vain. The road to independence was filled with a lot of struggles especially from the acclaimed group of intellectuals that fought the British to a standstill not necessarily with guns but solid ideologies. Little wonder that the products of the political class that evolved from that time were great men both upstairs and in deeds. Anthony Enahoro, Obafemi Awolowo, Tafawa Balewa, Nnamdi Azikwe, et al till today occupy a fond space in our memories till date.

Our flag represented Agriculture from the green land we are excessively blessed with while the white part connotes the peace and brotherhood expected of us. God bless Pa Akinkunmi for that great representation. Agriculture provided a massive export economy for Nigeria. It is interesting to note that we were not only known for our cocoa in the West but also for the groundnut pyramid in the north as well as rubber from the East. Those were the days of true federalism when each region worked hard to make something good come out of their midst. Obafemi Awolowo was a worthy premier in the west and so was Akintola. Even the regional houses of assembly were a model and competition was fierce for seats in those days.

It is very easy to know that Nigeria’s degradation did not start in one day. It was a gradual decomposition that engulfed us due to a number of factors. Ethnicity was the first culprit in this mess. The first coup by the Nigerian military and the next one which happened within a few months of each other was precipitated by ethnic sentiments. We then welcomed the commercial drilling of crude oil with its attendant big revenue. Our sitting head of state saw too much money and he famously made the statement about us having money but not knowing what to do with it.

This era signalled the beginning of the end of our other thriving export commodities like agriculture and mining. Everyone was interested in the oil boom. The Federal government saw the booty and decided to destroy our federalism by appropriating all the proceeds to the center. That was a milestone in Nigeria’s history. I have noticed a syndrome in the black man and I have been praying to God to heal me and all of us of that disease. We lack the ability to simulate the future. We fail to understand that most of our decisions now even if they are gratifying for us as individuals can destroy a nation. I am quite sure most past heads of state would look back today and realize they started the destruction many years ago.

A country that does not look back to its past can never move forward. Decisions made in those days are the ingredients that contributed to the finished product we have today. It is interesting that 20 years ago, we looked back and said things were not this bad. 10 years ago was the same story. Today we mark the 49th independent anniversary of our nation and the only thing on my mind is that we are just 12 months away from our golden jubilee. And I am wondering what the story will be then.

Look around the country and you are faced with same stories of fading hope and distress. It is getting increasingly bad with each day. Best Ogedegbe, who was the green eagles (as super eagles were called then) first choice goalkeeper when Nigerian won the 1st of its only 2 nations cup died in UCH on Monday. It took an eye problem which he wanted to treat to diagnose a brain tumor. Even if he was diagnosed earlier; are there facilities to treat the man? Do we even have adequate health insurance? No. In a good country, a man of Best’s status does not need the state government to pay his hospital bills because his health insurance covers for it.

I am also angry at the middle class as well as the poor who don’t even know that the key to making Nigeria work lie with them. This group of people will still not come out to register for elections when the time comes. Or some even support the thieves during the elections forgetting that it will still affect them or their kids in the future. When change came to France in the 18th century; it was due to the masses that were suppressed for a long time by the powerful and rich. I sense we are about to come to a point when a collective anger will suffice in Nigeria. We are very close to that point now and I don’t support violence but alternative ways of getting what we want. We can resist rigging by petitioning the INEC from now. By turning out to register and subsequently voting at the elections. 1 Million bad people cannot continue pushing us into abyss – 140 million people can decide to defeat the minority in their dirty game. Yes we can.

If you are one of those who think things have not gone so bad, please look at the sorry state of our sport. We have been relegated to the stands and the football that used to make us happy is also a thing of sadness for us now. It is not that we don’t have good footballers but I think this is a way of telling us that nothing is working in our country and a total overhaul is needed to bring change. And also remember that ASUU is still on strike and Nigeria is hosting the world for the U-17 world cup which might be disrupted by NANS. Can you blame them? No. Isn’t it weird that Mr. President who most likely did not pay a dime throughout his glorious educational pursuit is so insensitive to the plight of the Nigerian students who have to go through under-funded universities?

Nigerians do not need much from their leaders. We only need a human face to the whole episode. We need leaders who are ready to work for progress. We understand that things have gone so bad but we know that the journey to redemption can start today. We need leadership that can put a stop to corruption in every way not just by an anti-corruption agency but via effective means and leadership by example. We don’t need feeble point agenda but a real effort towards changing things around.

Even though the story is not so nice today as we clock 49, but there is hope as we still bask in the euphoria of the achievements of men like Governor Babatunde Raji Fasola in Lagos State. We are also confident that many Nigerian youths are still committed to change and are ready to stake all to achieve a new Nigeria. We will not put our pen and mouth to rest but continually excite our peers and even elders about the need to bring about change. And one day, very soon – change will definitely happen.